Number 23

Five for One, Five oh One (541 – 501) Numero Veintitres

That’s 23, People!

Week Ending 08Jun08

Five for One – You read, at most, five, then you send me one reply.

Five oh One – I hope to have 501 replies by the end of the year.

All replies to 5014mack@gmail.com or my facebook profile.

Woah! We’ve hit the cosmic number! Twenty-three 541’s. C.A.F. ! (I’m not allowed to swear anymore as my dad told me off, so the first two words of that acronym are Cool As, you work out the rest.)

This week’s 541 fueled by a compilation I made for Mr Mark Locke, entitled “Ska For Locke”

On Monday I had the idiotic idea that it would be a good idea to do a double brew single-handed. So there I am up at 01:30am passing ships with Linds in the night, who was just going to bed. I took the red-eye, via Old Red (my Peugeot 306 turbo diesel) to work and let me tell you this, rabbits and numerous wildlife are suicidal at that time of the night. Just before I hit Wantage I hit a young fox. It was hideous. I saw this little orange beauty run out in front of me just before it hit the bumper. I wasn’t completely mercenary, I braked, but it was too late, CLANG! I hit the poor thing, then there was a horrific flapping at the front of Old Red. In my minds eye I had this image of the poor little blighter with its leg stuck in the grill banging its head against the front. Then the head reared above the bonnet and I could barely look. When I did look I realised it was the dislodged indicator flapping like billy-ho.

Just as I was about to enter Wantage another fox (full-grown this time) ran out in front of me. I had time to stop before euthanizing this one. It occurred to me that maybe this day was lemming-emulation day for foxes and drove a bit slower.

I did two brews in one day and was practically hallucinating on the drive home at 7pm. Crack foxes and polo men were jumping out at me left right and centre. If you are not a fan of the Mighty Boosh, you will not get this reference, and I suggest you check out the box-set ASAP. You might not appreciate it on first viewing but believe me, it gets better!

Sometimes a podcast book comes along and just blows you away. Anything by Scott Sigler does it for me and the 7^th Son trilogy by J.C. Hutchins just rules beyond belief. I got my Padawan Nick hooked, I tried Stubb with “the first one is free” crack dealer logic but he didn’t even try. He’s missing out. Don’t be the same, if you are downloading podcasts, even if you aren’t and have an mp3 player, give it a go. Don’t give up until you’ve heard three, you’ll be hooked and a junkie like me. Currently J.C. is podcasting 7^th Son Obsidian (set in the 7^th Son universe) and it rules! All the well-known podcast fiction authors have contributed short stories and they are so, so good. If you’ve got a long commute to work, make it easier. Scott Sigler’s “Nocturnal” is legend too, especially the character Pookie Chang. I cannot get enough of it! Try before you buy (and by the way, it’s free, you never have to buy!)

You ever notice how a word suddenly lights up in your mind and then for some reason it appears everywhere? In some cases this is because it is being used by anyone and everyone (especially media). Here’s an example for you Brits reading this, remember when you first heard the word “yomping”? Why doesn’t everyone still talk about yuppies, feng shui, web 2.0? (oh sorry, that last one they do).

The current word that I am noticing everywhere is “meta”. I first really noticed it the other day when Mark Thomas commented on a photo I had posted on facebook. It was a photo of Gary, Nick, Mark and myself looking at some photos of us from nearly twenty years ago (geez, that has only just hit me, nearly twenty years ago we went on “Scruffy Pigs”!!). Mark made the comment “Meta-Nostalgia” and in retrospect it is kinda like looking into a mirror with a mirror behind you.

My Gran had a guest bedroom with two large mirrors that were almost opposite each other. As a wee lad I’d look into them and see how far I could get, i.e how many me’s I could see going off into the distance (yeah, narcissistic, I know). I think it was the Victorians that used to have rooms with all walls, floor and ceilings covered in mirrors and they would stay in them for a while and come out feeling tweaked. That would tweak me out for sure.

So suddenly I am now hearing “meta” everywhere. Is that like the cocktail party syndrome? Does anyone know the psychological term for this? If it explains why I place such importance on the number 23 and see that everywhere then I perhaps don’t want to know the name of it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meta

Matt Appleton? Matt? Are you there sir?

So my business partner Big Andy has been on holiday this week. It’s been a tough week and I have to say I couldn’t have done it without my brewing padawan Nick. He has been going well above and beyond the [insert name of a popular video game]

I had two brewery tours on Saturday, the first being the Oxford Brewers a group of home-brewers who get together. Halfway through their tour, a black as boot-polish face with black sunglasses and a black top hat looked around the door. When the rest of his body came into view it was immediately obvious that it was a morris man. You see I’d been double booked by someone (and I don’t want to name names, he’s on holiday at the moment and can’t defend himself) The Armaleggon Morris men had also arranged a brewery tour for some visiting morris folk (not all were men) half of whom were from Brighton, the other half were from Worcester (saucy devils).

A Scottish brewster (that’s what a female brewer is traditionally called) Sara who was in my class at brewing school came down to a Wychwood Brewery open day that had some Morris dancers doing their thing outside. She turned me and said “You English are mad!”. I personally think they are great.

The reason for the blacked out faces? (not all of them had black faces) It was illegal to dance in public at one point. This was a way of disguising themselves. Ingenious!

Both tours kinda melded together and there was even a bit of dancing going on outside. Brilliant!

http://www.themorrisring.org/

Thursday saw most of the old Scruffy pigs get together to see Rad’s end of Degree Art Show. I may be biased but Rad’s space ruled, pure craftsmanship. I now want to see his shed.

There was a section that said “Warning the following display contains some adult content”. I walked through intrigued and tried not to linger on the pictures with loadsa porn in them (or at least not get caught looking). A little while later I was reunited with Lindsay and Rosemary and being as the whole exhibition was set out like a maze it meant we had to walk through the Adult content space again. This is where it took on a brand new light, I wanted to get Rosemary through as quickly as possible, which would have been easy if that [insert swear word begining with F]ing artist hadn’t placed two Rosemary-sized mister men (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Men) in the middle of it.

Okay so you may be thinking I am such a hideously bad parent but in my defence I will say the pictures where join the dots representations of sexual acts and murals that had small cut-outs that you needed a good magnifying glass to see any detail (don’t worry, I carry one for just such occasions).

It was a lovely evening and everyone was hanging out on the grass in front of the building enjoying the sun. Rosemary on the other hand was enjoying the bench, climbing onto it, walking along it and getting me to boost her off it. She squealed with delight when Butler chased her around threatening to catch her.

Dani managed to get a funny video clip of the lads stood posing thinking that the camera she had was set to take photos. If I can work out how to loop the little one second beauty together I will put it up on facebook.

We got a postcard at the brewery from Andrew Bruce, he’s in Yakima Washington state, home of American hops. He pointed out that the brewery website was stating November 2007, but to be honest that is the least of our worries, at the moment it’s not even up!

Interestingly I’ve just checked the incoming podcasts on my itunes and the “Keith and the Girl” podcast’s title for today is “Mac Daddy” are they talking about me again? If you can’t handle the truth (I mean swear words) don’t listen.

Props:

Steve Kirby, don’t contact him by mobile or you’ll be ringing the fishes at the bottom of Beale Park lake.

Lisa Jean “My softball jersey has the number 23 on it. :-)” how great is that?

Remaining anonymous “in reply to your burning brightly match heads i have snuck out some of the niobium-titanium fillaments from this mornings superconducting joints i did at work … when i next see you ill show you what burning brightly means ,, may need sun glasses or you will get spots but its fun anyway”

I’m getting a welding mask!

My Brewing Padawan who wanted to get all happy-slappy with fish???

Big Brother started this week, what can I say? Don’t judge me, I watch it.

Saturday night saw Rosemary, Lindsay and I descend on Neda’s (our next-door neighbour) for a barbeque. Not only is the food great at her get-togethers (a mixture of BBQ and amazing Persian fare, and BTW I could eat Soha’s potato salad until it came out of my ears) but the company is always great. Rosemary had many entertainers that night.

Rosemary is coming out with words thick and fast but my favourite this week are “saf” (soft) and an early indicator of stream of consciousness when she greets me at the door “Hap-ee, hap-ee, hap-beeya”

Hap beer indeed!

268 to go!

Have a hap-beeya week y’all

The Mack Daddy

Number Twenty-Two

Five for One, Five oh One (541 – 501) Number Twenty-Two

Week Ending 01Jun08

Five for One – You read, at most, five, then you send me one reply.

Five oh One – I hope to have 501 replies by the end of the year.

All replies to 5014mack@gmail.com or my facebook profile.

This week’s missive fuelled by Spacemen 3 “Playing with Fire” and “Reccuring”

Hey, I was listening to Astronomy Cast this week (catching up on episodes - only 52 behind, yeah I know but I feel loathed to delete them because when the mood hits I’ll listen to that 26 hours of material – geez, I’ve just realised how ridiculous it is to have 1100 podcasts in itunes that are unlistened to. If I was to weld my headphones to my lugholes and have my ipod playing 24 hours a day I still wouldn’t have time in the week to listen to them all. But that is beside the point really, It’s not about listening to every one of them it is about being my own radio-controller. I decide what I want to listen to at any given minute of the day. I don’t have to curse Radio 4 for some crappy “Brain of Britain” quiz or “You and Yours”, I have primo content at my fingertips and can bless my ears with whatever I fancy whenever I want.)

So the Astronomy Cast, on the 4^th December 2006 was talking about stars and our star, the sun. What struck me most was this, our sun, after it becomes a red giant and we have excellent tans, it becomes a white dwarf. Once the white dwarf cools you have a diamond the size of the earth! Bling, Bling, Ber-Ling!

Trouble is we gotta wait about 5 billion years for the sun to enter the red giant phase.

So my idea is this: We start collecting matches, tin foil and elastic bands, right?

Actually, more specifically we need the match heads. If we get enough of them together, wrap them in tin foil and launch it at the sun it’s gotta gee it along a bit hasn’t it? Have you seen what happens when you do it on a small scale in an open fireplace? Not a lot, but it burns pretty bright!

How do we get the big match-head tin foil ball up to the sun? That’s where the elastic bands come in, we build a massive catapult using them. I’m not expecting you to do all the work here, I have an elastic band ball the size of a softball that I am going to contribute. We can do this! We’ll be rich I tells ya, RICH!

Rosemary wasn’t too impressed with the noodles I put in front of her this Thursday, she took a forkful, jammed them into her mouth and had about twenty or so dangling from her mouth for about 30 seconds then she just leaned forward, opened her mouth and deposited them onto her plate. I know, I know you shouldn’t encourage behaviour like that. I didn’t laugh. It’s so amusing though. I sat there with a shocking-red poker face, steam practically venting out of my ears, trying not to laugh. I musta burst a few blood vessels but this is for the good of society isn’t it?

Social norms eh? Who writes the rules? How do we know that someone invading our personal space is weird? At times I find it funny when folk do this though, get in real close when talking. I sometimes like to close the gap even further and make THEM feel weird (this can backfire, they don’t even notice or up the ante and get closer still until your lips are being tickled by their moustache when they talk). Alternatively, take them on a merry dance.

The Merry Dance (works best if it is actually a pun – bear with me, all will become tab clear) - This works well in a pub with a bit of space to move around in. You are having a good old chinwag with someone who is a space invader and what you do is slightly move back a little, they close the gap. Move back again, they close the gap etc. etc. You can take them on a merry dance around the place and they have no idea. The ultimate? A figure of eight! Try it some time.

Our Electrician who comes and fixes stuff at the brewery, Kevin kinda stands a little close. He was in this Tuesday checking to see the heating element he’d ordered was the right one for the hot liquor tank (basically the tank in which the hot water is stored. This water is added to the malted barley (to make the mash) or used to sprinkle (“Sparge”) over the mash. But if you are using water to make the product in brewing then it is referred to as liquor or brewing liquor).

The element in the hot liquor tank hasn’t been working too well. When it was working fine you could leave the elements on auto at the end of the working day and the electricity would kick in during the cheaper “economy 7” hours. At the moment we are having to turn them on manually at the end of the brewing day (say 4-5pm) and the water is just hot enough at 7am.

Kevin is in his fifties and likes to talk. I do too. If he pops in it can set me back hour at least! I have no idea how we got onto the subject but he really impressed me by saying that though he wasn’t religious he’d “probably be a druid or something like that, or you know, like an American Indian”. I think I was most impressed that a down to earth man in his fifties can have such an open mind about such things. He told me about a time he was camping and there was a handfasting ceremony on the campsite he was on, “it was beautiful” he said. Good Old Boy is our Kevin.

Hidden message for Steve Kirby (parp, parp, welcome aboard) and Will Twomey somewhere in this 541. As Rolf Harris would say, “Do you know what it is yet?” (actually these days it’s more like “Poor old Buster died on the operation table, he was a good dog..but the piles finally got the better of him”).

We invited Neda our next door neighbour around for a meal on Saturday night to celebrate the conclusion of her teaching course. Her Chinese student lodger Alfred also got a proxy invite. I think this is the first time I’ve actually connected with Alfred, I asked him what courses he was talking at school and then got chatting about Physics. I tried to impress him with my new found knowledge on stars/our sun – it worked! His face lit up and the next thing I knew, he’d nipped back next door and fetched his laptop.

“Chinese new years show, very beautiful” was what he told me showing the laptop screen. I then saw a big production on a big stage, first up was what looked like synchronised swimming, only on stage with loadsa elaborately dressed female dancers. Alfred was beaming “Beautiful!” then there was a coupla old men who went behind a screen and performed shadow puppetry with just their hands. Now, at first I thought “this is lame, anyone can do that” then it started to morph into more and more amazing things/creatures. Well impressive.

The Cooper of Grace for me though was this acrobatic team who had two poles erected probably 12 feet apart. (get your mind out of the gutter, it wasn’t acrobatic pole dancing. Hmm, technically I guess you could call it that. It wasn’t lewd is what I’m trying to say). These guys would climb up one pole and then backflip or whatever onto the other pole. I was absolutely blown away by it. Alfred was happy as Larry and I think I could feel he had a sense of pride in his country from this.

I don’t think his real name is Alfred, most Chinese students who come over here adopt a British name. The best I heard of was a girl who chose the name Ran.

Neda was stoked on her meal. Lindsay really went to town. Great food, great company.

Props

Alex Leech, I can’t repeat what you said, my Mum and Dad read this. Okay so it wasn’t whet you said but what Kevin Smith said on the Smodcast. I aint repeating any of it!

Paula Bergen said: “By the way…an applause to your Cousin Cathy…I have never heard of eating a Reese Peanut Butter Cup like that in my life…nor have I ever seen it! Maybe a prize winning You Tube video in the future?! Hee!”

Well Cath? Get the video camera out. It could be the next you tube clip to go viral. Marsha (my Mom-in-Law) has sent me some butter cups, maybe I’ll have a go.

Mark Thomas said: “The Rosemary talking thing is great, James is still mixing stuff up my favourite being a time when he and I were enjoying the sunshine in Blenheim park after a manic hill rolling session, after a quick rest I got up and said ‘C’mon onwards and upwards’, James replied, “yes, forwards and backwards” Cracked me up!”

Love it! Forward and backwards.

Sam Shrimpton said of his niece “I like the bit about the wor-cester-shire sauce. We watched in awe as Abigail took a salt and vinegar crisp, (thinking it was a normal crisp) and made exactly the same face as Rosemary, however rather than putting her off, she kept eating them, making the same face everytime. :8)”

On wings or tails Domique Delaney said “I would like to add to the wings v tails debate.I am still pro wings even more so after falling flat on my face at a mate’s house.Said person forgot to tell me to mind the board in the doorway,so consequently I landed in a heap on the floor with 2 very sore knees.Wings could’ve prevented this from happening.Failing that I think that I will have to start wearing my glasses!”

273 to go!

Have a Hap-ee week y’all,

The Daddy Mack